


trace your shadow with my shoe (all of me wants all of you)

by qiankuns



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, donghyuck loves idiots, mark is an idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-21 01:19:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16566848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qiankuns/pseuds/qiankuns
Summary: mark and donghyuck contemplate on the existence of alternate universes. (or: donghyuck wonders if there is a universe where he wasn't in love with his best friend)





	trace your shadow with my shoe (all of me wants all of you)

**Author's Note:**

> title from all of me wants all of you, a sufjan song as always...   
> enjoy some markhyuck angst!!!!

Donghyuck wished he could be in bed. He wished he didn’t ever decide to come to Jaehyun’s party just to pretend to drink when his cup is filled with sprite or try to escape games of truth or dare and pool. He wished he could settle down with a good record and read his sappy romance novels and fall asleep feeling safe and warm. But instead here he was, surrounded by red cups and music so loud it buzzed under his feet. He only went because Mark Lee had so much power over him and Donghyuck would do anything he said. Mark had a rough week because of exams and had wanted to cut some steam at the party. Donghyuck came because wherever Mark went he’d be there by his side. Mark had a low drink tolerance and Donghyuck was there for Mark to lean on at 2am on the trains, to rub his shoulders when he crouches over his sink, to brush his teeth and wipe his face and tuck him into bed with a cup of water and hangover pills on his bedside. Donghyuck will sigh and make his way back home. The nights would be silent as it makes way for dawn. He would be alone with his thoughts and wake up in a few hours to get to his job and Renjun would tease him for being whipped and he would hit him playfully but it hurts, it really does.

But tonight was different. By 11pm, Mark would usually have his fourth drink and turn into a giggly drunk and would cling onto Donghyuck, his whole body shaking from laughter. But today he was giggling next to a boy who seemed pleased that Mark clutched at his jacket everytime he made him laugh. Donghyuck almost dropped his cup of sprite. 

‘Renjun can you pick me up?’

‘Aren’t you at the party with Mark? Aren’t you going to give him your cuddling services later?’

‘I really don’t feel good.’

‘What about Mark? How is he getting home?’

Donghyuck sighed as he imagined a lost Mark at 1am looking around for him. 6 drink Mark was sleepy and couldn’t tell left from right. He hung up and left the bathroom and entered the living room again where Mark was leaning his head against the previous boy’s shoulder. The boy was twirling Mark’s hair in his fingers as the group started talking about a video game Donghyuck didnt know shit about.

‘Hey, Mark. it’s time to go.’

‘Donghyuuuuuck. I don’t wanna go,’ Mark whined.

‘It’s late. You have to submit your final project tomorrow remember?’

‘But Hyuckkkk, I’m having so much fun.’

‘Mark. We can come back next week. You can have more fun later. It’ll be your break!’

‘Hmm you’re always right Hyuckie. Lets go!’ Mark stands and stumbles into Donghyuck’s arms. 

‘See you around, Mark,’ the boy waves and Mark’s face melts into the softest grin.

‘Donghyuck, he’s amazing,’ Mark says through a sleepy daze on the train. ‘He’s a world history major and he can cook and he has two dogs and he’s soooo funny.’

Donghyuck swallows his heart back down and nods at everything Mark says.

‘He’s so perfect. I hope it goes somewhere. God, Donghyuck. I have a really good feeling about this.’

Donghyuck only tucks Mark into his comforter and puts socks on his feet because he knew Mark kicked off his blankets in the middle of the night and always complained of getting cold. Mark falls asleep with a small smile on his face and Donghyuck wonders how it would feel to have Mark think of him like that. To fall asleep peacefully because of him. 

-

‘My Jeno is Mark’s Jeno?’ Renjun gasps as Donghyuck explains why he looked like he climbed out of a sewer to work that morning. 

‘Yes. Your genius and handsome, two dog owning, funny history major debate partner is the light of Mark’s life.’

‘Hey,’ Renjun leaves his cash register to go to Hyuck’s. ‘It will be okay.’

Donghyuck doesn’t know how to say that his heart was sinking and he feels this unexplainable emptiness in him. All those small tiny moments he had let himself believe that maybe, just maybe, Mark liked him that way too. That sometimes when Mark had seven drinks he would drag Donghyuck back into bed and cuddle him tightly. Or how their knees knock under the table when they study together and Mark would lock his legs with his ankle. How Mark smiles when its 3am and they talk about space travel and Mark has a glint in his eye when Donghyuck says he wished he and Mark could live on the moon together. Maybe, just maybe.

That was the problem with hope. Once you spark a tiny little flame you don’t even realise the fire growing and at the end of the day you are the only one who gets burned. After his shift at the grocery store ends, Donghyuck spends the rest of the day in his bed curled up with a new romance novel. This time it was about two dog walkers, Lucas and Jungwoo who fall in love at the park. Jungwoo was clueless at walking dogs and Lucas was a natural dog person. They fall in love through natural banter and spending time chasing after dogs. Donghyuck sighed and finally gets out of his blankets after he had finished the book ending with Lucas and Jungwoo cuddling in bed with their two dogs at 2am. He checked his phone to no messages. Donghyuck sighed once more and gave in to the voice in his head that told him to call Mark.

‘Do you believe in alternate universes?’ Donghyuck asked as soon as the line picked up.

‘Yes,’ Mark replied in a sleepy voice. 

‘Do you think you would still tie my shoelaces on the first day of preschool in those universes?’

‘I would think I’d be cooler and watch you trip,’ Mark joked.

‘Hey!’

‘Just so I can take you to the infirmary and have an excuse to be your friend.’

Donghyuck’s heart clenched. ‘Did you ever need an excuse?’

‘I didn’t know it was okay to go up to someone and tell them that I liked their shoes and they made really cool pasta art and that I wanted to be their friend,’ Mark laughed. ‘I wish I knew back then.’

‘So you offering to tie my laces was just an excuse to goad at my skechers?’ Donghyuck huffed. ‘You only wanted to be my friend because you wanted me to make you a pretty pasta bracelet?’

‘It was because of that show and tell class we had. You talked about your Lightning McQueen figure for half an hour and I knew you were the coolest person in the class,’ Mark admitted. ‘Then, you gave it away to Renjun because he got jealous and started crying. You truly were the coolest preschooler ever.’

Donghyuck wished he could breathe. He had never heard this story before. He just assumed fate was in their favour and brought Mark to him when he didn’t know how to tie his laces. He never knew Mark was the one who sought out for him.

‘Do you think there’s a universe where we aren’t friends? Where you thought my skechers were boring and I didn’t like Cars?’ Donghyuck asked.

‘Yes. But then in high school I would think you were the most talented person ever at the talent show and secretly want to be your friend from afar. Or in college, you would see my Detective Conan costume and want to gush to me about it and we’d ditch Jaehyun’s party to go eat clearance candy at your grocery store.’ Mark says almost like it was a fact everyone should know.

‘Do you think we would find each other? In every single universe?’

‘Even if you were born a frog or I was born as an evil wizard, we’d surely find a way to torment each other’s lives. It’s just the way things work. It’s the only way the universe doesn’t explode on itself.’

‘You think the universe isn’t malfunctioning because we’re friends?’

‘I don’t know what I’d do without you.’ Mark says honestly.

In a moment of vulnerability, Donghyuck almost confesses. He almost says that he doesn’t know who he is most of the time until he’s in Mark’s room playing Mario Kart over cold pizza. That every cell in his body smiles whenever Mark is giggling at his stupid jokes. That he loves Mark a lot. That he was so grateful to the universe for bringing them together despite there being billions of people a thousand miles away from each other. That they were here, a mere miles away whispering into the quiet of the night. Donghyuck stays silent. Maybe in another universe, Donghyuck would not be a coward and Mark would run to his dorm and pull him into a warm hug and they would fall asleep in his sheets as Mark tells him that they were meant to end up this way in every single universe. That there were a billion Marks and Donghyucks and they are all in love with each other every time or maybe Mark would hang up and it would get awkward and they slowly distance themselves from each other.

In this universe, Donghyuck lets the silence settle. They still haven’t hung up but he can hear Mark’s soft snores which he’d never admit to doing. In this universe, Donghyuck was very much in love with Mark. In this universe, they were best friends and only that.

-

Mark’s shadow was a little taller than him. It moved the same way Mark did, with his nervous hands moving in bursts and the constant scratching on the nape of his neck. Donghyuck traced his shadow with his shoe. He traced the tufts of hair that stuck up on top, his big head, his shoulders and the rest of his body that blended into one dark blob. They had just met up in between classes, Mark coming from sociology and Donghyuck from astronomy. Somehow they had met at the theatre where world history lectures were held. Mark’s smile had turned wide at the sight of Jeno. They started talking about ancient sculptures and tried to include Donghyuck into the conversation but he didn’t know shit about old, decaying clay, so he ended up just behind Mark, sulking. The sun had come out and cast a light on Mark’s face. It made his eyes browner and his hair lighter and his smile so, so much brighter. Mark’s shadow grew bigger and engulfed Donghyuck in it’s shade. 

In another universe, Mark had purposely stood in front of Donghyuck to cover him from the sun and let him use him as shade because the younger one always complained about the heat. In another one, Donghyuck and Mark had taken refuge under the large oak tree in the middle of campus and Mark would lean his head on Donghyuck’s shoulder and they’d be at peace. In this universe, Mark was laughing and listening intently with stars in his eyes as Jeno told him about his lesson today. Donghyuck was long forgotten. He stood in Mark’s shadow, so no one could see his heart break into a billion pieces just like the stars he had learned about an hour ago.

-

‘Renjun, please pick me up.’

‘Hyuck, I’m in the middle of homework. Go get Mark.’ Renjun groaned.

‘Please,’ Hyuck’s voice breaks.

‘Wait outside Jaehyun’s building,’ Renjun says firmly. ‘I’ll borrow Sicheng’s car.’

Donghyuck was fine. He was fine when Mark had cancelled their movie plans to watch a bad rom com in theatres because Jeno had asked him out. He was fine when Mark had posted a picture of him and Jeno at the big bookstore across town which Donghyuck had always whined about wanting to go to. He was fine when he spent lunches alone because Renjun was always busy in pre med and Mark now ate lunch god knows where with Jeno. He was fine when he couldn’t join in the weekly Mario Kart matches because Renjun always paired with Jaemin and Jisung always paired with Chenle. It wasn’t like Donghyuck ever won because Mark had terrible coordination but it still sucked when Mark didn’t even text to tell him he wasn’t coming. 

He was fine even now. When, four drink Mark cuddled into Jeno and they held hands on Jaehyun’s too small couch. It was fine because Mark was happy. Mark had the stars in his eyes and the sun in his smile and who was Donghyuck to take that away from him. He was just tired. He wanted to be taken care of for once. Let Jeno take Mark home for once. Donghyuck wanted to sleep.

‘Hyuck-’ Renjun started as Donghyuck climbed into the passenger seat.

‘I’m sorry. I left my train card in Mark’s room and he’s a bit busy right now. I just want to go home,’ Donghyuck tries to smile nonchalantly.

‘Is Jeno here?’

‘Yeah.’ Donghyuck looked away.

‘He’s a really nice guy. He would never treat Mark badly,’ Renjun reassured. ‘I’ve known that boy since the start of college and he’s a really genuine person. You don’t have to worry about Mark, alright.’

‘Good.’

‘Good?’

‘I was getting tired of worrying about that old man anyways. I’m glad he has Jeno now. I can finally tackle my read list.’ Donghyuck jokes but Renjun peers at him once and he could see past Donghyuck’s smile.

‘Have you read the latest Ten book? The one about the florist and the beekeeper?’ Renjun asked. ‘You can have my copy, I have too much homework to read it anyways.’

‘Are you kidding? This thing has been on backorder for weeks!’ Donghyuck lights up.

‘Don’t you dare dog ear the pages or get even a smudge on it. I had to line up eight hours for that.’

‘Thank you, Renjun.’ Donghyuck says and he hopes Renjun gets the magnitude of his thanks.

‘I’m always here for you.’

-

 

‘Are you avoiding me?’ Mark had asked after he managed to chase after Donghyuck when he exited his physics class.

‘Why would you think I’m avoiding you?’

‘Well, I feel like we haven’t talked in weeks. We haven’t hung out in ages. Is everything okay?’ Mark furrowed his eyebrows.

‘Have you considered that we haven’t talked because you haven’t sent me a text in weeks?’ Donghyuck rolled his eyes.

‘Oh come on, I know you’ve been busy too. You’re reading so much now. Can you tell me what happens in the beekeeper book?’ Mark teased.

‘I would’ve put down my book if you had called once, you know.’

Mark’s smile dropped. ‘Well, I would’ve made time for you if you had called as well.’

‘As if you’d ditch your boyfriend for me,’ Donghyuck crossed his arms. ‘Renjun’s upset too, Jeno keeps missing their debate sessions.’

‘How come you can hang out with Renjun and not me?’

‘We work in the same grocery store, you idiot,’ Donghyuck rolled his eyes. 

‘Are we fighting?’ Mark stopped walking. ‘Like actually fighting?’

‘Well we’re not hugging are we?’

‘Why can’t you just tell me how you’re feeling straight and not hide under your sarcasm and retorts?’ Mark sighed. ‘Maybe then we can talk it out like real people.’

Donghyuck clenched his fists. ‘You want to know how I feel, Mark? It fucking hurts. I have to eat lunch alone everyday and people keep asking me where are you expecting me to know when I have no idea where you go anymore. I find out news about you through other people like your stupid road trip and how you drunk danced at Jaehyun’s and I just have to nod and pretend like I know. Pretend like my best friend tells me shit these days,’ He huffed. ‘It fucking sucks when Renjun has to tiptoe all over me incase he says anything that reminds me of you. It sucks when he pretends like he’s free just to keep me company, so I don’t lock myself in my room all week even though he has a mountain of homework. It sucks that everytime I get a stupid notification I always think it’s from you. It sucks that Jisung pretends he’s sick just so Chenle can play with me at Mario Kart, so I don’t feel left out because you never show up.’

‘Hyuck-’ Mark reached out to Donghyuck who was about to tear up.

‘Don’t you dare ask me if I’m avoiding you. I’m always one step behind you just in case your stupid face trips or forgets where his classes are. You’re the one who’s walking too fast. It’s almost as if you don’t even want me to catch up.’

With that, Donghyuck runs off to his next class. Maybe this was the universe where he and Mark aren’t friends. That they never talk to each other again and leave it at that. Now, he was avoiding Mark.

-

 

It comes naturally. Mark hated confrontation and always avoided it, so he didn’t try to seek out Donghyuck. Donghyuck had realised their classes never really intersect with each other, so they don’t see each other on campus. Mark doesn’t show up to Jaemin’s dorm for game nights and Donghyuck doesn’t take Mark home after Jaehyun’s parties anymore. Donghyuck stops waiting for the texts he gets to be from Mark. Renjun stops pretending he isn’t busy and Donghyuck is okay. He cries a bit when he’s reading his romance novels and he’s suddenly thinking of Mark but it gets out of his system and he feels better after. He hasn’t seen or talked to Mark in a month and Donghyuck a year ago when Mark had left for summer break in Canada had never felt so out of touch or lonely. Now, he doesn’t feel fazed by it.

Three knocks. It was so quiet Donghyuck who was nearing sleep almost didn’t hear it. He checked the clock, 5am. Another three knocks, this time slightly louder. Renjun knocked like he wanted to wake the whole neighbourhood up. Chenle yelled his name. Jisung knocked once and Jaemin always texts instead. There was only one person who knocked with his knuckles against the door three times. Always in threes.

Donghyuck opened the door and met with the sight of a broken Mark Lee.

‘Hyuck-’ Mark whispered. ‘I’m so sorry. I didn’t know where to go. I realised I couldn’t just go to anyone’s house at 5am and you were the only person I could think of going to. I know it’s late and you can ask me to leave but-’

Donghyuck widens the door and Mark trails in behind him. Donghyuck goes to the kitchen to the cabinet that held all of Mark’s teas that he left behind and brewed him a cup of chamomile. 

‘I’m sorry.’

Donghyuck looks down at the space on the couch between him and Mark. The fan was buzzing loudly and there were sirens coming from outside.

‘What do you think the other Marks and Donghyucks would think of us like this?’ Mark whispered.

‘I think all of the Donghyucks would think that all of the Marks were big idiots.’

Mark cracked a grin. ‘And all of the Marks would think all of the Donghyucks are always right.’

‘All of the Donghyucks would let all the Marks know that no matter what, they are always here for big idiots.’

‘All of the Marks thinks all of the Donghyucks are angels that we can never begin to deserve.’

‘Once again all the Donghyucks thinks all of the Marks are big idiots.’

Mark laughed. ‘What would this Donghyuck think if this Mark apologised.’

‘He would pretend to sulk about it but he would feel really, really relieved.’

‘I’m so sorry, Hyuck. I took you for granted. I just always thought you would always be beside me but I realised I was the one who left your side.’

‘What happened, Mark?’ Donghyuck sighed. ‘Why are you crying at 5am?’

Mark looked down. ‘Jeno broke up with me. He said we were too alike and were better as friends. I agreed and yeah I guess it was more of a mutual thing.’

‘Is that why you’re so sad?’ 

‘No. Kind of. Not really,’ Mark bit his lip. ‘I was at Jaehyun’s. And I just kept waiting. I didn’t know what for. Everyone was slowly leaving the building and the house got quieter. Jaehyun asked me why I wasn’t home yet and I realised I was just waiting for you. To come pick my sorry ass up and tuck me into bed.’

‘Five drink Mark is usually super wise.’ Donghyuck grinned.

‘You know last week there was that night with all the bad lightning?’ Mark took another sip of his tea. ‘I kept thinking the world was going to end. That the sky was ripping apart and the universe was about to die.’

‘You said the universe would malfunction if we didn’t have each other.’

‘That’s exactly what I was thinking. That it was my stupid fault that the world was going to end.’

Donghyuck hit Mark playfully. ‘You’re so dramatic.’

Mark laughed and a moment passed. Then another. Mark scooted closer and he placed his mug down. He let his head rest on Donghyuck’s shoulder and that was all it took. Donghyuck scooped Mark into his arms and held onto him tightly. Mark had always fit so perfectly in his embrace and Donghyuck always got too hot and Mark always got too cold but in their hugs they found an equilibrium. Donghyuck thinks of all the other Marks and Donghyucks at 5am. One pair were sleeping with legs tangled, Donghyuck’s romance novel lying in between them. Another were playing Mario Kart after finals were over. Another pair were on the phone talking about the constellations out that night. Another were rollerblading on the streets, Donghyuck holding onto Mark for balance, both of them falling with laughter. This Donghyuck and this Mark just held onto each other because they finally, finally found each other again.

Donghyuck felt Mark’s smile against his chest.

‘Hey. Look outside your window.’ Mark and Donghyuck separated only to be shoulder to shoulder against the window.

The sun was slowly peeking in, yawning orange into the dark blue sky. The birds were waking up, chirping sleepily and the sky was wide open. They could see the stars and twinges of their own universe.

In the other universes, all the other Marks and Donghyucks had their Marks and Donghyucks. In this universe, Mark holds Donghyuck’s hands a little bit tighter and they watched as the world put itself back into place. They gazed as the universe healed itself through the sunrise. Because Donghyuck had Mark and Mark had Donghyuck. And that was all that mattered.

**Author's Note:**

> hehe im rlly contemplating writing that dog walkers fic tbh...  
> and yeah I'm a sucker for markhyuck and also contemplating alternate universes  
> let me know what you think!!!!  
> im @qiahnkun on twt :-)


End file.
